Going through some things and found these funny things in several Reader’s Digests:

• When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon, because I’m a problem solver.
• A woman was lying in bed one night when she felt her husband’s hand caressing her neck in a way she hadn’t experienced in quite a while.  The hand then slid down her side, stopping at her knee.  Then he moved closer and did the same on her other side before abruptly stopping and moving away.  Feeling rather aroused and delighted by the unexpected attention,  she whispered, “Honey, that was wonderful.  Why did you stop?”
  He replied, “Because I found the remote.”
• Why can’t you trust an atom?
  Because they make up literally everything.
• I saw a guy with a question mark tattoo, which seems like an incredibly permanent commitment to uncertainty.
• A new patient handed in her medical history form.  On the line marked past traumas, she’d written: Married twice.

A few funnies from the work place:

• I asked the job candidate if he considered himself a punctual person.  He responded, “well, I’m not a grammar Nazi or anything.”
• I had a guy show up for his interview drunk and wearing a powder-blue tuxedo jacket. The interview didn’t last long, but before it was over, he was crying about his uncle who had died.  We asked him how long had he been gone: the answer – 6 years!
• At PetSmart, one of hte questions we ask job candidates is: “if you could be any animal, what would it be?” This candidate replied that he would be a turtle, because he’s always really slow and he’s never in a rush.

A few from lab research notes on their study or process method:

• We incubated this for however long lunch was.
• Slices were left in a formaldehyde bath for over 48 hours because I put them in on Friday and refuse to work on weekends.
• This dye was selected because the bottle was within reach.
• We didn’t test as many clams as oysters because someone found the samples and ate them.
• I used that specific sequence of biotinylated DNA because I found some in the freezer.
• The experiment was carried out from 9:00 a.m. to 5: p.m. because the lab is deserted and creepy after office hours.