Humorous things I’ve seen

Saw these in the April 2016 Reader’s Digest:

People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older.  Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.
– Sloane Crosley; writer, from her book “I Was Told There’d be Cake”

Children’s answers to test questions as seen in the book F in Exams: Complete Failure Edition by Richard Benson.

Q: Use the word congenial in a sentence.
A: When you leave the gravy out too long, it congenials.

Q: The first thing Queen Elizabeth II did upon ascending the throne was to…
A: Sit down.

Q: Write a sentence containing a double negative.
A: Mike is ugly and he smells.

Q: Name two plays by Shakespeare.
A: Romeo and Juliet

Q: On what grounds was Aaron Burr tried for treason?
A: New York

Q: Write about the importance of  animals in Of Mice and Men.
A: The mice are very important – without them, you’d have only the men.

Q: Use the word doldrums in a sentence.
A: I cannot play the doldrums.

 

How FOCM Can Help

A colleague of mine working for a service provider in the clinical research industry approached me to see if I could help them ensure an audience for a promotional and educational event they were hosting in the Raleigh area.  This is a perfect example of using my network and passion for connecting people to good use.

By being an active networker, I have also met people similar to me.  So in the above case I reached out to one of them, also in the industry as well as reached out via email to people I thought would be interested in attending.  I also did a reminder email the day of the event.

As is well known in the advertising and promotion world, sometimes it’s hard to pin down which communication inspired people to respond.  The host of the event may have emailed some of the same people as I did.

I did a count and of the 30 attendees, 9 were people I had reached out to.

I am working on a business model for such a service.  What would you be willing to pay for such a service?

Farewell email to coworkers

Sometimes I have googled things like: “wedding toasts” or “resignation letter” to find examples.  Recently I looked up “farewell emails to coworkers” and saw that there are some good resources and examples out there.  Recently while cleaning out my file folders, I found one and thought I’d offer it as a guide or template from which someone can edit.

Hello amigos,

As some of you know, I’m actually 73 years old and despite the injections of botox, HGH and lipsosuction procedures, I’m beginning to age.  The time has come for me to take some time off and get more procedures done all at once.  Recovery will take a while and I’ll not be able to be seen in public.  I’ve resigned from _____ effective _____; however, the company may decide on a different end date.
I’m going to take some time off before deciding on what to do next.  For the upcoming month, my agent will be handling all inquiries.

Until we meet again, happy trails to you.

Disclaimer: nothing in the first 3 sentences is true.

Before printing this email, please consider the lumber industry and print 50 or more copies.

How NOT to network

Remember, networking is a two way street.  Do not underestimate the importance about getting to know the person you met.  This blog by Whitney Johnson was seen on LinkedIn.  I liked how open and talkative the student was; however, he never asked her anything!

Returning home recently from a consulting engagement in Tampa, I found myself stranded, late at night, in the Washington Dulles airport. The small regional airline I was counting on for a puddle jump never came through. Eventually, the airline loaded all nine passengers into a van, and shuttled us the two  hours to Shenandoah Regional airport.

One of my fellow travelers was a student at a local university. Upon discovering that we lived fewer than three miles apart, he asked me for a ride for the final leg home. I happily agreed.

During our 45 minute drive, I learned a lot about him: his name, where he grew up, where he goes to school, his major, what his parents do for a living, his own career aspirations when he graduates in a few months. We even discovered that we have an acquaintance in common.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/airline-cancelled-my-flight-put-me-van-along-way-i-got-johnson?trk=eml-b2_content_ecosystem_digest-hero-14-null&midToken=AQEhPoPBKCv_tA&fromEmail=fromEmail&ut=0C88XMH4qhwTg1

New hotbeds of pollution spotted from satellites

Saw this article on Reuters:

Researchers in the United States and Canada have located 39 unreported sources of major pollution using a new satellite-based method, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration said.

The unreported sources of toxic sulfur dioxide emissions are clusters of coal-burning power plants, smelters and oil and gas operations in the Middle East, Mexico and Russia that were found in an analysis of satellite data from 2005 to 2014, NASA said in a statement on Wednesday.

The analysis also found that the satellite-based estimates of the emissions were two or three times higher than those reported from known sources in those regions, NASA said.

http://in.reuters.com/article/nasa-pollution-idINKCN0YO1XJ

Hillary Has to Change Tactics

Chicago Tribune article by Megan McArdle of Bloomberg View writes a good article on the Inspector General report regarding Hillary’s emails.

While the report doesn’t find an email with Hillary writing: heh, heh, heh, they’ll never FOIA my emails NOW!!!!” — what it does lay out is deeply troubling, even though her supporters have already begun the typical defense of “nothing to see here, move along.”

It lays to rest the longtime Clinton defense that this use of a private server was somehow normal and allowed by government rules: It was not normal, and was not allowed by the government rules in place at the time.  Hillary Clinton broke the rules in her use of a private email server while serving as secretary of state, according to a report by the State Department’s inspector general May 25, 2016. (Reuters)

It also shreds the defense that “Well, Colin Powell did it too” into very fine dust, and then neatly disposes of the dust. As the report makes very clear, there are substantial differences between what the two secretaries of State did:

– Powell says he set up a private email account, in addition to his internal account, because at the time the State Department “email system in place only only permitted communication among Department staff. He therefore requested that information technology staff install the private line so that he could use his personal account to communicate with people outside the Department.” This is a quite plausible reason that, around the turn of the millennium, a secretary of state would have wanted to use his own account. Powell seems not to have done enough to ensure that those records were maintained, which is a problem (though it’s not clear that he was aware that he should have turned those emails over). But as far as I can tell, the most plausible explanation of Clinton’s behavior is that she set up her email server expressly to keep those emails from being archived as records (and subject to Freedom of Information Act requests), which is a great deal more problematic than setting up an inadequately archived email system because there’s no other way to use an increasingly vital communications technology.

– Powell had an outside line set up in his office, into which he plugged a laptop, which he used alongside his State Department computer. The IT department was, in other words, aware that this was going on, and it seems to have come up in discussions of his drive to get everyone at State access to the Internet at their desk. While the quality of information about Powell’s Internet usage is not as high as it is about Clinton’s (after 10 years, memories fade, people become hard to contact, and records degrade), there’s no indication that he was less than transparent with staff. But folks at State clearly had no idea what was going on with Clinton’s email server and, troublingly, at least two people who asked about it were apparently told to shut up and never raise the subject again.

– Three things have changed pretty dramatically since Powell’s day: the magnitude (and appreciation) of cybersecurity threats, the quality of the State Department systems and government rules surrounding both recordkeeping and cybersecurity. One can argue that Powell should not have used a private computer during his tenure, but he seems to have done so in consultation with the IT folks, at a time when the policy surrounding these things was “very fluid” and the State Department “was not aware of the magnitude of the security risks associated with information technology.” By 2009, the magnitude of the risks was clear, and the policy was also much clearer. As far as the OIG could determine, Clinton took no action to ensure that she was in compliance with that policy, which, in fact, she emphatically was not. Officials at State told the OIG in no uncertain terms that they would not have approved her reliance on a personal email server.

– The OIG found only three instances in which State employees had relied exclusively on personal email: Powell, Clinton and Ambassador J. Scott Gration, U.S. emissary to Kenya from 2011 to 2012. Gration, who served under Clinton, was in the middle of a disciplinary process initiated against him for this email use (among other things) when he resigned. So it is impossible to argue not only that this was somehow in compliance with State’s guidelines but also that Clinton might have thought it was in compliance, unless she somehow failed to notice when or why her ambassador to Kenya went missing.

– The OIG found evidence that the server was attacked and that Clinton’s staff members (and presumably Clinton herself) were aware of it. (Clinton at one point seems to have expressed concern that people might be trying to hack her email.) These incidents should have been reported to computer security personnel, but OIG found no evidence that they were. Clinton’s supporters have offered the wan defense that “attacked” doesn’t mean “actually hacked,” but of course, since they didn’t report it, there was no timely investigation, so we don’t really know what happened, or even whether her server setup and/or server administrator were sophisticated enough to detect a penetration had one taken place.

This is the most profoundly amazing part of the whole story: Clinton’s server administrator was hired by State as a political appointee, from which position he continued to provide support to Clinton’s private email server during working hours, without telling anyone this was happening:

Why is Clinton being held to a lower standard?  Well, because she’s a Clinton, and the Clintons have always acted as if the rules applied only to others. And given that Democrats boxed themselves into her name on the ticket so early on, Team Blue had little choice but to rally around and pretend that this is just a minor peccadillo, like forgetting to date the signature on your FEC filings. Lord knows, this election cycle, there’s good reason to view this sort of behavior as the lesser of two evils.

But it isn’t minor. Setting up an email server in a home several states away from the security and IT folks, in disregard of the rules designed to protect state secrets and ensure good government records, and then hiring your server administrator to a political slot while he keeps managing your system on government time is unacceptable behavior in a government official. If Clinton weren’t the nominee, or if she had an R after her name rather than a D, her defenders would have no difficulty recognizing just how troubling it is.

That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to prefer Donald Trump to her. Back when I was surveying #NeverTrump voters, I heard from more than one conservative intelligence type who basically said “I think Clinton should be in jail for what she did, and I still think she’s a better choice than Trump for the presidency.”

Politics is not simply a team sport, and good government is possible only if we’re willing to call out misbehavior no matter who does it. Even if we still hold our nose and pull the lever for the misbehaver come November.

#HiLIARy #HiLIEry

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-hillary-clinton-emails-private-server-20160526-story.html

 

Quotes out of Context

Oh my, am I glad I stumbled upon this file.  There are some very good quotes here from a business meeting from my days in the Interactive Technologies Group of ICON Clinical Research.

No logic here.
– Ken Files

I’m just lying.
– Ken Files

You’re going to stifle my creativity.
– Ken Files

The past is past.
– Martin Cleary

How does this fit into the bigger thing?
– Paul Colombo

Mid-august is not very far away.
– Paul Colombo (stated on July 29)

Rikki also kissed me.
– Debbie McCoy

Alcohol will be involved.
– Ken Files

Check back for more postings. If your name is mentioned and you’d like it removed, please email me at chris@focmnetworking.com and I’ll give your request strong consideration and may even might possibly act on it. Seriously, though I will remove it if you want me to.

Background: This all started at a US Sales meeting and in order to stay focused on what was being said, I started writing down the business cliches, like “let’s circle the wagons”, “let’s table that”, “always be closing” and then count how many times they were said. As I began paying attention, I would hear a phrase that was appropriate for the context in which it was said, but wow, it sure was amusing to see the phrase just sitting there by itself. That lead me to put them into a slide show show so the phrase was seen in its purest form along with the person who said it.  As this practice became known, the slide set became the unofficial and humorous wrap-up presentation, kind of a summary of the things stated over the course of the meeting.

FOCM Political Discourse

Within FOCM Networking are several sub-groups, one of which is the political group.  These “discussions” take place via email and occasionally we have them at this website but we put a password on the discussion group so all can feel free to state their opinion in private.  So to give you an idea of what the FOCM political email discussions can look like, here’s a recent exchange, with all names removed:

FOCM Political Member A

All this would all be so much funnier if it wasn’t so serious!  He is the biggest moron.  All smoke and mirrors as far as his “success” and the biggest liar in the public eye.  He makes the others look like Honest Abe!  And all his supporters are proof of the complete failure of the American educational system!

Hillary 2016!


FOCM Political Member D:

Good Lord, no to Hillary – she’ll hurt the drug companies which will hurt my livelihood and that’s the only thing you should be concerned about – me!  Although I actually have no idea what Trump will do.

What worries me about Hillary is what America would look like in 4 years (if she has a Democratic Congress) –
Long lines at men’s rooms due to a shortage of them – having to convert some to Men who are transitioning to Women; Women who are transitioning to Men, Now Men were Women, Now Women were Men (what about the international symbols for such bathrooms – oy vey!)
Availability of abortions for up to the day before birth
Holding down pharma company profits – breaking one of America’s best industries; stifling innovation
The same access to healthcare for everyone (lowering the quality and increasing the price)
Socialized Medicine (see above – lower quality, longer wait times)
Taxing caucausians to pay remunerations to descendants of slaves and Native Americans
Only Liberal free speech allowed

FOCM Political Member B

A Hillary supporter questioning anyone’s educational level makes me chuckle (and throw up in my mouth a little). Honestly, the woman could strangle a kitten on live tv and her supporters would still vote for her and claim she had nothing to do with it.

I honestly don’t get what is to admire. Her hunger for power at all costs? I don’t see her at all as a woman who has forged her own way. I see her as opportunistic at best. As a woman, working mother, wife and veteran, she stands for nothing I hold in esteem. I can abide a buffoon far more easily than an intentional manipulator who seems to have a compulsion for lying.

FOCM Political Member A

Love Kasich.  I blame the slimy media that more people don’t know why he’s the best candidate.  All they care about is hype and Trump is a media darling.  It’s a shame since he is the only qualified Republican.

FOCM Political Member B

But the resounding rationale I hear for supporting her and calling those with differing opinions uneducated is simply that she isn’t as bad as the other guy……followed by dismissive laughter.

Don’t expect any clear reasons beyond that she isn’t Trump. If Trump is no longer in the picture I, like so many others, will be waiting with bated breath to hear about all of her astounding leadership and fight for the common man or woman (with whom she has zero in common).

Trump might not be presidential in demeanor,  but you’re right on one thing….he’s showing up the racket for what it is. So is Sanders. Neither of them would have any traction if not for Hillary. Kasich is taking the higher ground in many respects. Cruz has his fair argument to make.

FOCM Political Member A

No one lies more than Trump.  And I don’t vote for buffoons.

Hillary 2016!

FOCM Political Member B

No one leaves more ambassadors to die and makes up fake cover stories than Hiilary.

Hillary for prison 2016!

FOCM Political Member A

Trump is a criminal, a narcissist, misogynist, racist, pathological liar, has no plan AT ALL and no idea how to run a country.  He’s a complete joke.

Trump for prison 2016!

Hillary for president 2016!

FOCM Political Member C

John Kasich is the one to vote for.

The one good thing Trump has done is release this country from the shackles of PC speech.  We are once again free to say what we believe!  However he is not presidential material and neither is Hillary.

Why she believes she has the moral authority to demand lower CEO pay when as a multi-millionaire she demands more for a ONE hour speech than the average US CEO makes in a year.  Her rationale for charging this much was that she was just doing what previous secretaries of state had done.  Given her wealth I see that as nothing more than pure greed on her part.  Every day I struggle to understand how she can be worth $30+ million and have only left her secretary of state job 3 years ago…. that’s about $10 million per year…sounds like CEO pay to me.  Please, someone, anyone, help me understand what economic added value enterprise she was running for the last three years that justifies that kind of income.

I’d love to read her Wallstreet speech transcripts. Even the Huffington Post thinks she is afraid to release them. But, as with anything else her supporters don’t like, heads go into the sand and fingers get pointed at others to somehow justify it all.

FOCM Political Member B

Hopefully, someone will reply to your question with a logical justification, but I doubt it. A vote for Hillary is a vote for the status quo.