The Scots are a fun-loving breed of people.

seen on friend’s Facebook page

A ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer began to lead him back to the house.

Along the way, they passed a horse. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, “Is this your horse?” The farmer replied, “Yep.”

The ventriloquist asked, “Can he talk?” The farmer said, “Nope.” The ventriloquist then said to the horse, “So, how do you like it here?”

He then threw his voice, and said in a horse-like voice, “Oh, it’s pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats.”

Upon hearing this the farmer was startled and quickened his pace.

Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, “Is this your cow?” and the farmer replied, “Yep.” He then asked, “Does it talk?” and the farmer replied, “I..I don’t think so.”

The ventriloquist asked the cow, “How do you like it here?” and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, “Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me.”

Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking.

Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, “Are these your sheep?” and the farmer replied, “Yep.”

He then asked, “Do they talk?” and the farmer exclaimed, “Yes, but they lie!”

Seen in the August 2013 edition of Reader’s Digest

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Did you hear about the pregnant blonde? She got a maternity test to make sure it was hers.

Why are blonde jokes short? So brunettes can remember them.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

submitted by FOCM Member Kevin Boos

Q – What do you call a midget psychic who just broke out of prison???

 

A – A small medium at large.

Submitted by FOCM Member Art Coppola

A dyslexic man walked into a bra….

submitted by FOCM Member Jon Matheus

I prefer crushed ice. It is difficult to enjoy a cool drink when your ice has hopes and dreams.

submitted by FOCM member Stuart Munson

A recent article in the Kentucky Post, reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke’s hospital, saying that, after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied:
“Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight.”

I thought this was rather entertaining

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=gNj0T4uK3lE&feature=youtu.be

An informal and impromptu brainstorming meeting of the FOCM NC beach chapter this past weekend resulted in this list of potential news headlines or bumper stickers regarding Anthony Weiner and his campaign for NYC Mayor. Thanks to Alicia, Deb, Gayle, Keith, Mike and Wendy.
Just imagine what we could do if we put our attention to a business issue or problem.

Weiner beats all comers
Weiner beats them all
Weiner getting cocky
Weiner campaign sucks
Weiner campaign really blows
Weiner campaign explodes
Weiner coming in first
Weiner comes go grips with …
Weiner campaign has gripping announcement
Popularity of Weiner shrinking
Popularity of Weiner growing
Weiner has enormous following
Weiner penetrates electorate
Weiner thrusts forward with new strategy
Weiner prods for attention
Competition kneels before Weiner
Weiner takes a licking in the race
Weiner’s wife lends a helping hand
Weiner grinds it out
Weiner’s ahead in the race
Weiner leans left
Weiner holds head high
Competition has Weiner envy
Women want more Weiner
Weiner presents his package
Yes, Weiner is happy to see you
Weiner hangs out in local bar
Weiner denies use of performance enhanding drug
Lesbians against Weiner
Opponents say Weiner rubs them wrong
Weiner draws line in the sand
Weiner licked at the polls
You have been poked by A. Weiner
A. Weiner stands up for women
Stiffed by A. Weiner
Weiner withdraws
Weiner pulls out
Weiner withdraws prematurely
Weiner can’t keep it up
Weiner re-enters the race
Weiner comes from behind
Weiner pulls it out
Weiner comes first
Weiner slams his opponent
Weiner pops up
Weiner is starting to grow on the electorate
Weiner by a hair
Weiner hits slipperly slope
Weiner seen going in through the back door
Weiner is self-supporting
Weiner goes all in
Weiner points the way
Weiner stands at attention
Weiner salutes
Weiner is soft on crime
Weiner is on top of welfare
Women open up to Weiner
Weiner hits the spot
Weiner misfires
Weiner extends lead
Weiner grows his lead
Weiner shrivels
Hillary offers her support but Weiner’s lead shrinks
Weiner beaten handily
Weiner flogged by opponents