submitted by FOCM Member Mark Mickunas

Whether you are for or against Obama Care…
The American Medical Association has now weighed in on Obama’s new health care package:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Owen
Owen who?
Owen 3
Who’s Owen 3?
The New York Giants*

*(or substitute: Washington Redskins, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Pittsburgh Steelers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings)

seen in Readers Digest (www.readersdigest.com) September issue

A wife asked her husband to go to the grocery. He said he would and asked what was needed.
She replied, “get a gallon of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.”
The husband came home and put 6 gallons of milk on the counter.
His wife said, “I don’t understand, why did you get 6 gallons of milk?”
He replied, “they had avocados” and walked back to the den.

Two women went into a photo studio to have their portrait taken. The photographer’s very young and very naive assistant asked, “Are you two sisters?”
“No,” said one of the women. “We’re partners.
“Oooohhh…” said the assistant. “So how long have you ladies been cops?”

Sign seen in San Luis, AZ at a fast food restaurant
English teacher at San Luis High School must be upset
submitted by Jon Matheus

Joke submitted by FOCM Member, Joe Stafford

A patient walks into his psychiatrist’s office wrapped only in
cellophane.

The psychiatrist looks at him and says: “I can completely see your
nuts”

Submitted by long, long time member of FOCM: Jon Matheus

Instead of calling my bathroom, the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. It sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.

seen on a friend’s facebook page

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’ To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.’

submitted by Jon Matheus, a very very long time member of FOCM

Q: Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

A: He had no body to go with him!

submitted by Jace Leffler, long-time FOCM member

Job Interview:

Human Resources Manager: “What is your greatest weakness?”

Old Man : “Honesty.”

Human Resources Manager: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”

Old Man : “I don’t really give a shit what you think.”