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Hump day humor

It’s Wednesday – a good time for adding humor to your day:

From Readers Digest May 2017 issue:

My friend, a county public health nurse, was reviewing a student’s medical records when she noticed that the girl and her mother share the same first name.  My friend asked, “doesn’t that ever get confusing?”  To which the girl said, “oh no, I just call her Mom.”
sent in by Beth Nelson from Clear Lake, Wisconsin

I’d recently written an academic book, which  my six year old son asked to see.  I handed him a copy and he carefully examined the pages.  When he was done, he closed the book and, looking perplexed, asked, “Dad, do you understand any of this?”
sent in by Tanni Haas, NY, NY

and next: responses that tenants gave their landlords after not paying the rent on time:

  • I didn’t pay the rent because I’m saving up to move.
  • Oh come on. You’re gonna harass me on Valentine’s Day?
  • My last landlord had no problem with me paying late. This seems to be a real big issue with you.
  • Well, if I wasn’t late with the rent, you’d never come to see me.
  • I’m getting real tired of paying this rent every month. You’ll just have to wait.

FOCM Networking Event in Boston

Crazy, I know, but rather than go back to 2016 and find pictures from a networking back then (which I commit to still doing to get caught up), I decided to go with a more recent event.

On July 27, while in Boston for the 2nd Ophthalmology Drug Development Summit sponsored by Hanson-Wade, a FOCM event was held at the Back Deck, 2 West St., Boston, MA.  This group (pictured) is quite unique in the origin of the connections it represents.  It represents quite a timeline of my life and career.  Attending were:

Christie Schmitt Coombs – we know each other from our home town of Yuma, AZ; having gone to high school together.  Her sister Carolyn and I graduated the same year.  I worked with her sister Linda at a summer camp during college.

John Ketchum – we worked together at Burroughs Wellcome (my first job out of college) and stayed in touch while he traveled the world for Novartis, from which he recently retired.

Brian Langin – we worked together at Quintiles (my job after Burroughs Wellcome) and again at YPrime (where I worked prior to current job).

Amy Zastawney – we worked together at ICON (after a short stop elsewhere, my job after Quintiles).

Brian Langin, Amy Zastawney, John Ketchum, Me, Christie Schmitt Coombs

The FOCM meeting record does recognize that Cory Winters, with Bio-Telemetry Research also attended, but he had to depart early and that was before I thought to take a picture.  FOCM member Vicky Martin brought Cory into the network.  Time will tell if she is to be thanked, we’re just waiting on Cory’s background check to come through.

Also I’d like to point out that our bartender was Denver Lincoln and he took our photo, so I took his so he can get credit for it and to give him some promotion as he works two jobs while working on his stand-up comedy. When he gets famous, you can go through me to get his autograph and to book him for events.

Denver Lincoln

 

Recent Amusing Things I Have Read

From the May 2017 Readers Digest come these humorous items:

Sent in from Kendall Barrowes from Spanish Fork, Utah:
“Our friend her her four-year-old son were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant when in walked a man covered in tattoos.  The boy turned to him and said, “looks like somebody got into the markers.”

Sent in from Natalia Skrodzki:
“one of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.”

Sent in from Kristine Binaco, Fair Haven, New Jersey:
“I texted my husband to tell him that I’d be out of touch for a bit since I planned to color my hair.  Thanks to autocorrect, here’s what he read: After I finish my cup of coffee, I am going to die. You may not be able to reach me while I’m in the midst of that.”

In a tweet from Goldengateblond:
“Just saw Luke Perry on the cover of the AARP magazine, in case they ask for my cause of death.”

And lastly some real reviews as seen on Zagat:

  • “breaking bread” should not mean you have to use the side of the table.
  • I thought I was looking at an oil painting when suddenly it moved. It was my waitress.
  • The only way the tables could be closer together would be to stack them.
  • The duck was tired, tough and it took 90 minutes to arrive. It must have had a long flight.
  • Primary attraction was the small wildlife wandering across the table.
  • The chef keeps renaming and relocating the restaurant like it’s a member of the Federal Witness Protection Program.
  • The waiter repeatedly called my aging parents ‘coach’ and ‘darling’.
  • Overpriced and undergood.

Chuck Schumer Opposed to Illegal Immigration

Chuck Schumer on the record being opposed to illegal immigration.  He stated in 2009:

During a speech at the Immigration Law & Policy Conference at Georgetown Law, Schumer repeatedly argued that immigration reform should focus on encouraging legal immigration and should make clear that “illegal immigration is wrong.”

“The American people are fundamentally pro-legal immigration and anti-illegal immigration,” Schumer explained at the conference. “We will only pass comprehensive reform when we recognize this fundamental concept.”

http://dailycaller.com/2017/09/06/chuck-schumer-in-2009-illegal-immigration-is-wrong-video/?utm_source=site-share

 

FOCM Membership Card Ceremony

On February 23 and 24, 2016, I found myself in Miami attending SCOPE (Summit for Clinical Operations Executives).  It is always fun to attend conferences and see old friends and make new ones.  At this meeting three people received their cards.

The first night, my friend Angela Radcliffe had arranged reservations for 16 at a restaurant’s private room and due to some issues had no RSVPs by 3 p.m. and was going to cancel it.  I asked her to give me an hour and I’d see what I could do.  We ended up getting 20 people and they had to move us to a larger room.  It was a great dinner where a lot of people met each other for the first time and Angela led it by sharing a personal story about what drew her into clinical research and everyone else shared their path to the industry.  It was a really memorable night.

On the second night, we arranged a group go to dinner at Larios, the restaurant owned by Gloria and Emilio Estefan.  That was also a great group of people.  Not in the pictures: Brian Langin, Alicia Foley, David Fairbrother, Amy Zastawney.

Left side: Nick Hargaden, Cindy Howry, Richard Gastineau
Right side: Bonnie Moore, Julie Orr, Dave Kirschenbaum, Kim Assal, Ted Gastineau
Dan Weddle
Laura Peters
Janet Shropshire

Jokes contributed by FOCM Members

So one of FOCM’s members texts me random humorous items.  I share some of them with you today:

What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
Nothing.  It just waved.

 

What did General Custer say at Little Big Horn when he saw the Indians coming?
“Here come the Indians.”

 

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?
Juan on Juan

 

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer.  So a United Way worker paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The United Way guy opened the meeting by saying, “our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity.  Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “uh…no, I didn’t know that.”

“Secondly,” says the laywer, “did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?”

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

“Thirdly, did you research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten says, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

And the lawyer says, “So, if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?”

Wait! What? Men and women are different?

The thought police are here.  Witness this article by John Stossel.

A rather crazy exchange he had with Gloria Steinem years ago:

Feminist icon Gloria Steinem said gender differences shouldn’t even be researched. She told me it’s “anti-American, crazy thinking.”

“Aren’t women, in general, better nurturers?” I asked.

“No,” answered Steinem. “Next question.”

At the time, fire departments had just dropped strength tests to help female applicants. One critic of the change complained that instead of being carried out during a fire, now she would be dragged downstairs, her head hitting each stair. Steinem responded, “It’s better to drag them out … (L)ess smoke down there.”

John Stossel: Men & Women are different

Motivating Quotes

A few good quotes I recently read:
The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them – make them. – George Bernard Shaw
 
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. – Walter Gagehot
 
Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you live, even a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure.  – Joseph Sugarman
 
The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it. – Mack R. Douglas
 
and now back to your regularly scheduled activities of watching cat and dog videos on the internet – me, just now.

New FOCM Membership Ceremonies

On February 10, 2016, while attending Arena International’s Outsourcing in Clinical Trials Northern California three people received their FOCM cards.

Adam Kuzmicz, who I have known for 10+ years.  Adam is with Parexel.  The photographer really captured his extreme happiness at this moment.  He later said, it was one of the happiest moments of his life.  At least that’s how I remember it.

Barry Murphy with Novotetch was next to receive his card.  He is a little more in control of his emotions than Adam was.

Donna Fraser with Novotech also received a membership card.  Her joy at the moment is quite evident!

Welcome them to FOCM!

 

Adam Kuzmicz
Barry Murphy
Donna Fraser